• M&A

Afitos: Day 1 – 02.09.17………Ministry of funny walks, a bag of peas and a double bed!


I'd always found the John Cleese sketch highly amusing but I must say I didn't expect to join the Ministry the day of our holiday, but join I did, in grand style. You see, it all happened on Saturday morning at the cattery as I was trying to grapple Milly's 'high-rise apartment' from the back of the car whilst trying not to drip blood on the upholstery.

Well you see, a few hours earlier I'd had a bit of an accident with a lady shaver, not whilst shaving I might add, but in trying to remove the plastic cover! I only went and sliced my finger which bled so much and refused to stop. So as usual, not having any plasters in the house, I had to improvise with a paper towel wrapped round my finger in a kind of tourniquet. The thing is, it kept tearing and the finger kept re-bleeding!

Anyway, I digress. So, as I leant in to bring Milly's rather large contraption out of the car my back gave way big time and my body shape changed instantly. It left me with my head to the right of my right shoulder, my right shoulder to the right of my right hip bone, my hip bone to the right of my right knee bone (there's a song there somewhere), I was bent forward and walked like a crab! I managed to sidle my way into reception, said my goodbyes to Milly, went to the office to print out some holiday documents which I'd forgotten to do previously and eventually went home and lay on the bed with a bag of frozen peas on my back. Honestly, it wasn't the best start to the holiday.

Never mind, the cavalry came at midday in the form of Maice, armed with pills, plasters, a suitcase and Sandra, who, like Maice and I was off to Jill and Jons' house warming barbecue. Having popped a number of strong painkillers on an empty stomach it was a relief to eat some really yummy food. I must say Jill and Jon did us proud.....it was a super afternoon albeit I was suffering in silence!

Soon it was time for Maice and I to leave and continue our journey to our Gatwick Airport hotel. We decided to stop en-route at a chemist so whilst driving out of Wool I went in and asked for a 'miracle cure for my back’ and was given a concoction of pills, sprays and creams. Wanting an instant cure for the onward journey I applied the cream to the lower part of my back. It was quite awkward really as I was sat in the front seat of Maice's tiny Micra outside the chemist with my trousers undone and halfway down my backside.......goodness knows what any onlookers must have thought!

Finally we were on our way to Gatwick and I would like to say we arrived without incident but that would be a lie for we nearly came a cropper at the Lidl's roundabout in Ferndown! Maice, who was driving, on approaching the roundabout was looking to the right but unfortunately didn't realise that her arms were steering the car onto the kerb. 'Look out' I shouted. How she didn't mount the kerb I'll never know but she just managed to right the car, missing clipping the kerb by a millimetre and we continued on, our hearts both a-flutter at our near-miss incident. We finally arrived at our hotel at 6.30pm without any further incident and no diversions whatsoever. SatNav Steve did us proud. By this time we were a bit peckish so we chose the double bed to lay out our picnic of raspberries (thanks to Jill), two tubs of nuts (thanks to Jane), four G&T's (also courtesy of Jane, H that is), Codeine and Deep Heat for me and we enjoyed our feast whilst watching Casualty on the TV. Alarms set for 2.30a.m. we switched off the lights and hoped a) my back would be better and b) we woke up on time!

Sweet dreams…

M&A

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